Edward's New Moon
by Forever Tragically Torn
Summary: Starting at chapter 1 of SM's New Moon, we see what Edward's going through during New Moon. At least three to five chapters eventually. Please read and submit your thoughts!


_**A/N - So these are Stephenie Meyer's characters, her story, and mostly her words. **_

**_This is New Moon from Edward's Point of View starting at chapter 1. Tell me if you like it!!_**

"Alice, I won't let her get out of it, but you need to give her some foreknowledge," I said.

"Oh come on, she doesn't take it that bad," Alice said.

"A surprise party, of course she'll take it badly. She hates surprises and parties; let's go a little easier on her, okay?" I asked.

"Fine, I'll tell her this morning when I give her our present," she said.

I rolled my eyes. Alice had to make everything a big event. It was the morning of September 13th , the eighteenth anniversary of one of the greatest events in history. Bella Swan, my everything, the holder of my soul would be turning eighteen.

Of course, she was being ridiculous about the whole affair. I'd love to shower her with gifts and a fancy dinner or simply say happy birthday. But she wouldn't have any of that. She wanted too badly to be a monster. Bella Swan, delicate, beautiful, and alive would never be the disgusting thing that I am...no matter how much I wanted it too.

It was wrong for her to love me in the first place. I was like a great weight dragging her farther away from humanity and vivacity. She could let me go. I could never let go of her, but if she could simply understand everything she would give up...she could let me go.

In Alice's eagerness we ended up leaving early and beating Bella by ten minutes.

"Oh, she's going to love her gift!" Alice exclaimed.

I frowned. All of Alice's visions had been of Bella refusing to open her gift now. "You don't see that," I said.

"No, but I'll convince her," she said, weary because visions of herself were often absolute.

"Why would you want her to open it now anyway? She doesn't have any where to listen it," I said, thinking about the CD we had made. Just then I could hear the distant rumble of Bella's truck.

_She's almost here_, Alice thought.

The truck finally came into view and turned into the parking lot. She pulled in a few spaces down from the Volvo.

She'd met my eyes for a moment and positively glowed. Then she'd seen Alice, and, by the disgruntled look on her face, obviously the gift, too.

She hopped out of her truck and slammed the door angrily. It would have been funny if this didn't all have to do with me changing her.

"Happy Birthday, Bella!" Alice shouted.

"Shh!" She hissed. I supressed a sigh. She couldn't want that, because then we'd both want it and I would never let it happen.

"Do you want to open your present now or later?" Alice asked as they closed the distance between us.

"No presents," she said. A faint, angry blush colored her cheeks. She was so beautiful. It wasn't fair that I couldn't give her gifts. She was everything and I was nothing. Couldn't I give her something; even if it would only narrow the million-mile gap between us by a centimeter?

_This isn't over_, Alice thought, _I hope she realizes that_. "Okay...later, then. did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Charlie?"

Bella sighed. "Yeah. They're great," she said. She was so difficult. She didn't even want to accept gifts from her own parents (I wondered how she would take the gifts from _my _parents).

"_I _think it's a nice idea. You're only a senior once. Might as well document the experience," Alice said.

"How many times have _you _been a senior?" I suppressed a grin. I didn't want to seem to happy. It might give her the idea that I'm okay with the situation.

I longed to touch her. Human pace was so slow. I held out my hand and she took it. Her skin was warm and soft as usual. I slightly constricted my hand around hers, careful not to hurt her. Her heart jumped and I couldn't help but smile. This angelic creature was affected by me, a living corpse sucking a way her life.

But I was distracted by her perfect features. Her long, dark, soft hair. Her bright eyes made me forget to breathe (not that it really mattered). Her lips were slightly parted and I felt my stomach flutter.

I reached my right hand up to her lips and with all of my concentration, I gently traced her lips. "So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?" My voice was calm and non-accusing. If this was the only thing I could give her, I would give her this.

"Yes," her voice was soft, "That is correct."

I fought the urge to groan. This wasn't right. "Just checking." I ran my hand through my hair, trying to avoid getting upset, "You _might _have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts." I kept the bitterness out of my tone.

Alice, whose existence I'd momentarily forgotten, laughed and said, "Of course you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?"

My eyes still on Bella's face I could see her calculating a list of answers to that question, "Getting older."

My smile disappeared. That wasn't a problem, now. It never had to be. Bella would get older and eventually she would find we were no longer compatible. She could go on and live the life I stole from her a little more every day.

"Eighteen isn't very old," Alice said. "Don't women usually wait until they're at least twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?" _Though, she may have a point, _Edward. _I know you –_

I blocked her thoughts, they weren't helping.

"It's older than Edward," she said, defiantly. I sighed. This day was supposed to be about celebrating the love of my life and all she could dwell on was a currently irrelevant problem.

_Again, _someone _has a point_. "Technically," Alice said. "Just by one little year, though. What time will you be at the house?"

A dreading look came across her porcelain face. She wasn't getting out of this one. She _would _have a fun time, she only needed to give it a chance.

"I didn't know I had plans to be there," Bella said.

"Oh, be fair, Bella!" she complained. "You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?" _Edward, so help me you had better back me up, or I'll tell her how much I agree with her about –_

"I thought my birthday was about what _I _want." She wasn't having that.

"I'll her from Charlie's right after school," I said.

Her eyes widened, "I have work."

"You don't, actually," said Alice. "I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday.'"

Bella wouldn't give up just yet. "I-I still can't come over. I, well, I haven't watched _Romeo and Juliet _yet for English."

Alice snorted. "You have _Romeo and Juliet _memorized."

"But Mr. Berty said we need to see it performed to fully appreciate it- that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented."

I rolled my eyes. She'd seen the movie multiple times.

Alice confirmed this vocally.

"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was the best."

Alice's thoughts grew angry. _How do you put up with this all of the time? _"This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other –"

"Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday." Alice's thoughts grew as vulgar as Rosalie's sometimes did.

"So there," Bella said smugly.

She would have both, "I'll bring her over around seven. that will give you more time to set up."

Alice laughed and said goodbye.

Bella looked up at me with wide eyes, "Edward, please – "

I put my finger over her lips. She'd almost broken me down already and all she'd said was my name. She didn't realize what her pleading did to me. I wouldn't be able to refuse her.

"Let's discuss it later. We're going to be late for class," I said. She didn't look at all satisfied as we walked towards the school.

The parts of the school day when I was away from Bella went slowly as always. Finally, it ended and we walked towards the truck. Alice had told me to stay with Bella. She'd seen a vision of Bella trying to make a run for it. I went to open the passenger door for her. She folded her arms. "It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?"

"I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished," I said smoothly.

"If it's not my birthday , then I don't have to go to your house tonight..." Fine, we could play that game.

"All Right." I shut the passenger door and walked past her to open the driver's side. I smiled, and with all the genuine feeling and containing all day, I said, "Happy birthday."

She shushed me and got in.

As we pulled on to the main road I looked around for something to do and spotted her radio – soon to be replaced. I decided to take the opportunity to tease her.

Fiddling with the radio, I said, "Your radio has horrible reception."

She frowned defensively.

"You want an nice stereo? Drive your own car." I had to press my lips together to keep from bursting out laughing. She thought she was so tough.

As cute as she looked it made me sad she wasn't happy. This day was so special and everyone but Bella seemed thrilled about the event. Maybe I'd have to persuade her.

The truck stopped outside of Charlie's. I reached over and concentrated on gently placing my fingertips to her face.

"You should be in a good mood, today of all days," I said, listening to her eratic heartbeat.

"And," she said, seeming to organize jumbled thoughts, "if I don't want to be in a good mood?" She asked. But the battle had already been won.

I stared into her entrapping eyes, "Too bad."

I leaned in and pressed my lips to her smoldering ones. I held onto the kiss and then felt her arms wrap around my neck. She was much too close. I wanted to stay like this forever, but I couldn't risk hurting her.

I smiled at her eagerness but let go of her face and unwrapped her arms from around my neck.

"Be good, please," I breathed against her tender cheek. Still holding her arms I leaned in and kissed her once more. I folded her arms across her stomach and enjoyed her fiercely thudding heart. I loved her and I loved the effect I could have on her. It made her so much more mine...and so much more wrong.

She put her delicate hand over her heart. "Do you think I'll ever get better at this?" She asked.

"I really hope not," I said smugly. It was one thing I actually cared about being good at.

When we got in the house, Bella went over to start the movie while I stretched out on the couch. She got it set up and sat on the couch in front of me. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her against my chest. I pulled the blanket off of the back of the couch and used it to shield her from my cold body.

"You know, I've never had much patience for Romeo," I said as the movie started.

Bella looked slightly scandalized, it was cute. "What's wrong with Romeo?

Easy. "Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline – don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. that's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?" It was true. How could someone do more to rip away the one they loved.

Bella was still frowning, "Do you want me to watch this alone?"

I smiled. "No, Ill mostly be watching you, anyway." I traced lines down her delicate arm and watched as goose bumps appeared. She was so incredible, so marvelous. "Will you cry?"

"Probably, if I'm paying attention."

I wanted to see her reactions and try to understand them – to understand her more. "I won't distract you then."

I pressed my lips to her hair and saw her head lean back ever so slightly at the gesture. It made me want to be closer to her.

As the movie got going I started whispering Romeo's lines into her ear. She would shiver, it was so satisfying. When Juliet woke to find Romeo dead I looked at her and found she was crying. I smirked and she stuck her tongue out at me, which was ridiculously tempting.

"I'll admit," I said, "I do sort of envy him here," I lifted a lock of her hair and wiped away her tears.

"She's very pretty."

Leave it to Bella to think I'd ever find a woman desirable after being blinded by her radiance. "I don't envy him for the _girl_ – just the ease of suicide," I said in a teasing tone. "You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plant extracts..."

Her eyebrows raised angrily. "What?" She gasped.

Painful images of Bella broken in the dance studio last April reigned over my thoughts. "It's something I had to think about once, and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning...after he realized what he'd become..." I realized I'd grown to serious and the look on Bella's face made me weary. In a lighter tone I said, "and he's clearly still in excellent health."

Bella struggled to twist around so she could see me better. "What are you talking about?" She demanded. "What do you mean, this was something you had to think about once?"

"Last spring, when you were...nearly killed..." The dark images flashed before me. I took a deep breath and tried once more to brighten my speech, "Of course I was trying focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is for a human."

Bella shook her head, "Contingency Plans?" She sounded strangled.

"Well, I wasn't going to live without you." I rolled my eyes. My world revolved not around the sun, but Bella Swan. She was my world. Without her, there would be nothing, nowhere to ground myself. "But I wasn't sure how to _do _it – I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help...so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi." It had seemed like the best option – the guaranteed option.

Bella looked furious. I refrained from rolling my eyes again. "What is a _Volturi_?"

Of course, she wouldn't know. As long as they didn't know about her – or what she knew, more specifically. "The Volturi are a family. A very old, very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America – do you remember the story?"

"Of course I remember."

I watched her curiously. She seemed to phase out. I broke through her thoughts a few moments later. "Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi. Not unless you want to die – or whatever it is we do." It was a simple matter. I'd always have that if – when, because she would grow old, Bella Swan...it was too painful to process the idea.

I looked at her face, she looked tormented. I wished I could hear her thoughts.

"You must never, never, never think of anything like that again!" She exclaimed. "No matter what might ever happen to me, you are _not allowed _to hurt yourself!" Ridiculous.

"I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point." No event could transpire for me to put her in danger, nothing.

"_Put _me in danger! I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault?" She was starting to get angrier. "How dare you even think like that?"

It was necessary. Again, as always, never endingly, she was being ridiculous.

"What would you do, if the situation were reversed?" I asked.

"That's not the same thing," she steamed.

How was it any different?

"What if something did happen to you," she said. "Would you want me to go _off _myself?"

Agony shot through me. The pain stretched up to my face, but I quickly mastered my expression. The idea of Bella taking her life because of me was – was unspeakable.

"I guess I see your point...a little," I admitted. I felt the pain of ever losing her and remembered my original argument. With an ache in my voice, I asked, "But what would I ever do without you?"

"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence," she said. _My existence_, that's all it really was, not a life.

I sighed. "You make that sound so easy."

"It should be. I'm really not that interesting." I'd never found anyone more interesting. I never knew what she would do, or what she was thinking.

I was about to argue this but realized, "Moot point."

Suddenly I heard the cruiser coming down the street. I sat up and consciously pulled Bella next to me so we weren't touching.

"Charlie?" She guessed.

I smiled in confirmation. She took my hand with all of her feeble strength. This declaration hit me hard. It was a small gesture, but that she could maintain her feelings for me in front of her father made me feel elated.

Charlie walked in with a pizza box. "Hey, kids," Charlie said. What I could gather of his faint thoughts, he didn't seem angry to see me here. Not necessarily approving, but accepting. "I thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for your birthday. Hungry?"

"Sure. Thanks Dad."

I claimed I wasn't hungry. Charlie didn't bother to ask anymore, though at first I'd gathered a sense of wonder from his mind. I decided this was my chance to rope Bella into this evening's plans.

"Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?"

Bella looked hopefully at her father, as if he might say no.

"That's fine," her face fell comically, "the Mariners are playing the Sox tonight. So I won't be any kind of company...Here," He scooped up her camera and through it to her.

I watched trying not to laugh as the camera glanced off of her fingers. I caught it a moment before it hit the floor.

"Nice catch," Charlie said, his mind deeply impressed.

Charlie told Bella to bring the camera with to take pictures for her mother.

"Good idea, Charlie," I said, handing Bella the camera.

She turned the camera on me and quickly snapped a picture. My speedy reflexes aloud me to wink at the camera.

"It works," she proclaimed, as if she'd actually surprised me.

"That's good," Charlie said, "Hey, say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while." It was good that Charlie liked Alice. Anything that helped persuade his good will towards me or my family could help. Charlie had his suspicions.

"It's been three days, Dad. I'll tell her."

When Charlie said goodbye, I smiled triumphantly at Bella. I took her hand and pulled her from the kitchen.

I got Bella situated in the passenger side of the truck and went to the driver's seat. As we traveled to my house I tried desperately to get it to move faster...and to make a point. "You now what you would love? A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power..."

She frowned, "There's nothing wrong with my truck." Oh yes there was, and if it didn't break down on its own soon I would do the job _and _the replacing. "And speaking of expensive nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents."

"Not a dime," I replied, keeping the bitterness out of my voice.

"Good."

I had to get her out of this bad mood. For her sake and my family's. Alice had gotten everyone enthusiastic for it and I know if she tried Bella could really enjoy herself. "Can you do me a favor?"

"That depends on what it is," she said stubbornly.

I sighed, I wanted this day to work out for her. "Bella , the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited." _I am too_, I thought sadly.

Something in her face changed but I couldn't quite understand it. She would drive me mad one day. "Fine, I'll behave."

And I should probably tell her about... "I probably should warn you..."

Her eyes narrowed, "Please do."

"When I say they're all excited...I do mean _all _of them." I felt bad. Rosalie drove me crazy, I hated that she did that to Bella too, and on her birthday.

"Everyone," she choked. "I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa."

I thought about the enthusiasm in Emmett's voice when he'd call to say they'd be there. "Maybe I'll get to see her trip!" He'd said, laughing.

"Emmett wanted to be here."

"But...Rosalie?"

"I know, Bella. Don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior."

Bella was quiet for a while, surely dreading the evening ahead of her, the opposite effect of what I would have liked. I wished there was some way to make it up to her.

"So, if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday?"

"You know what I want," she whispered.

Her determination, as much as I loved it would kill me one day. I hated arguing with her and this was a soar point for sure. "Not tonight, Bella. Please."

"Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want."

I growled. Alice had had those very thoughts. And her visions...I never wanted to see those come true. Bella was warm and delicate and utterly human. I wouldn't let her destroy her life. "This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella," I promised. No way.

Her face was furious, "That's not fair!"

My teeth snapped together. What wasn't fair was the fact that despite what lay deep down in my desires I wouldn't cave. What wasn't fair was that I was getting resistance from not only Bella but my own family. The only person I had on my side was Rosalie, maybe Jasper.

I was still running through my irate thoughts when I heard Bella moan miserably beside me. I realized she'd observed Alice's decorations. A day like this shouldn't be so complicated. She'd completed another year of life, we were to celebrate that, not discuss yet another way to steal away the poor, and yes, sometimes frustrating, girl's life.

I took a few deep breaths trying to calm myself. I didn't want to be angry because she would think it was directed at her when really the destruction of her life was all my fault.

"This is a party. Try to be a good sport."

"Sure," she muttered. Stubborn.

I went around to her door and offered her my hand.

"I have a question." I waited warily. Was she really going to keep this conversation going?

"If I develop this film, will you show up in the picture?" She asked toying with her camera.

I started laughing. She was the silliest, most unpredictable creature I'd ever met. I kept laughing as pulled her up to the front door and opened it.

Everyone was waiting and shouted "Happy birthday, Bella!" Alice had done an amazing job on the decorations. Everything was beautiful and delicate. Almost good enough for Bella. I looked down at her. She had a beautiful blush on her cheeks. She looked like she was trying desperately to suppress a frown, though.

I wrapped my arm around her trying to comfort her and kissed the top of her head because I couldn't resist.

Everyone, well, except Rosalie, greeted Bella with hugs or, like in Jasper's case, more distant gestures.

_So, Edward, another few years and we can move this event to the retirement home! _Rosalie thought with mock cheer. _Maybe when she's an old woman she'll be more festive._ She kept going and I tried my best to ignore her. It wouldn't help Bella for me to be upset with Rosalie too. Besides, I didn't want to admit that she had a point.

"You haven't changed at all," Emmett said with mock disappointment. He was actually thrilled she was just as awkward as always. "I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always."

"Thanks a lot, Emmett," Bella said sarcastically. But she looked pleased. I liked that she was becoming part of the family...and that was very bad.

"I have to step out for a second. Don't do anything funny while I'm gone," he said. _Stereo. Check. _He thought.

"I'll try," Bella said. She had the faintest glow now. She was stunning. It was funny how being around her made me forget to breathe, and then other times, when I kissed her, it made me feel like I needed to breathe more. It was all part of her intoxication.

"Time to open presents," Alice declared.

Bella looked like she was just keeping from cringing. "Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything – "

"But I didn't listen," she said, taking the camera from Bella's hands and replacing it with a silver wrapped box.

Bella opened the box and found that it was empty. She looked bewildered by the information on the outside of the box. It was adorable.

"Um...thanks."

Rosalie smiled. _What an idiot_, she thought. I shot her a look. Jasper laughed. "It's a stereo for your truck," he explained. "Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it."

_Look at her face, she would have too_, Alice thought.

"Thanks, Jasper, Rosalie," Bella said. "Thanks, Emmett," she called more loudly. Emmett laughed.

Bella laughed in response. It was such a beautiful sound, mesmerizing.

"Open mine and Edward's next," Alice said excitedly.

Bella turned to glare at me, a look which made me want her more...

"You promised," she declared.

Emmett bolted in. _It's all installed, it looks really funny in her crappy truck but there's only so much we can do. _"Just in time!"

"I didn't spend a dime," I said calmly. I needed to touch her. I brushed a strand of hair from her face. My hand tingled feeling her warmth. It looked like I'd broken down her defensiveness a little bit.

"Give it to me," she sighed.

Emmett chuckled as Bella took the package from Alice. Bella rolled her eyes at me.

Bella was opening her present, I heard her mutter, "shoot," and a moment later it hit me. Venom pumped into my mouth. My brain was hosting a battle between predator and savior. My throat was on fire and needed to be satisfied, satisfied by that delicious warm taste I'd tasted only once before...

By some miracle one thousandth of a second later Jasper's thoughts powered through mine, they weren't coherent but determined. And one thousandth of a second later I caught Alice's vision of Bella Swan dead-

"No!" I roared. Ignoring the flames licking at my throat I threw myself at Bella and flung her out of the way, trying to be as gentle as the moment would allow.

I heard a crash but couldn't even check to see if Bella was alright, Jasper was charging. Jasper, no different than a rabid animal, snarled, trying to force his way through.

Emmett, who had stopped breathing at Jasper's reaction, was able to control himself and locked Jasper in his steel grip. His wild eyes were focused on Bella, who, in his mind I could see was now bleeding down her arm. The warm red liquid dripped invitingly from her arm but, though I was suffering, there was no longer any temptation.

Still guarding Bella, I heard Carlisle direct Emmett and Rose to get Jasper outside. Emmett's thoughts were flustered, not his usual calm and cool outlook. _Shit_, he thought. "Come on, Jasper."

_Hmmm...actually at this rate, Edward, the next time we _celebrate _Bella_, Rosalie thought, _it will probably be in the Forks cemetery._

A warning growl slid from between my clenched teeth. Rosalie smirked.

I was careful not to breathe. I'd stopped the moment I'd smelt her blood which gave me some small comfort, that the protector had been somewhat conscious in that first moment.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Esme cried as she left the room. _Don't worry, Edward, this is small. Things will work out in the end. _I didn't process her words just yet. My soul task was to guard Bella from danger...though I'd already failed for the hundredth time.

This wasn't good.

**_A/N-Thanks for reading! Please give me your thoughts._**


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